ABOUT MY LOVE

The true, pure love in your heart will burn all your character flaws away, enabling you to treat your spouse with perfect kindness and respect. This is bullshit.

I love Michele - no matter that she cheated on me - in the time when I most needed my best friend to be close to me and remain to be supportive. I could keep on loving M. my spouse (now no longer wife L) even while doing any number of unethical things.

The only one reason used as the cause for cheating on me is my accident with the brain injury. In general, men are more likely than women to cheat: 20% of men and 13% of women reported that they've had sex with someone other than their spouse while married. (being a faithful husband means that I’m a stupid loving man blinded by the love for my true wife….)

My way to cope with being cheated on has been (this far) to imagine the ways to end in some brutal, very painful, ways the lives of each and every motherfucker (can’t say what I’ve been planning to personally do…..)  Practically what drove me and my

Queen to separation (divorce) was:

  ·       Sexual desire.  (typical when women turn into their forties, or into their fifties)

  ·       Neglect. (from me obviously)

  ·       Situation. (No comment…..)

  ·       Low commitment. (oh! Yeah big surprise)

  ·       Nonexistent self-esteem (evident!)

  ·       Anger (sure!)

Our marriage can surely survive this onslaught of feelings. However, some marriages are not meant to be saved. If the infidelity is one of many symptoms of emotional abuse in our relationship I'll never be ready to work through our problems.

Very obviously there are thousands of books about rebuilding trust, exercise forgiveness, meditation and so on, including other psychological shit of that kind.

My own method is going to simply be very direct and objective…….simply based on reality (that’s always been the compass of my life).

My (simple) plan is in fact to use the unlimited powers of my mind (impossible to ever injure) to procure the most immense pain to those mother fuckers (M. is a mother), pain that will preferably be physical (makes me feel better ….I can see it J) and surely conscious too (the pen is mightier than the sword) so that (at least) all kinds of shit will happen to the ones they love the most while still alive and I best not mention the type of eternity they all are going to receive very soon.

Of course this is certainly going to happen to them UNLESS they are sufficiently smart (I fully doubt it) that the correct idea comes to their minds (possibly at the first bad misfortune will happen either to themselves or those who they love dearly), on this particular subject I’m able to predict with high confidence that motherfucker #1 or the boldy MD B. Red is very soon going to realize the difficulties to be the father or the father of a disabled (mentally and/or physically) kid, who will suck out of him time, energy and wealth so much that in less time than you can imagine, he will stress his matrimonial relationship to the highest possible level. I just want to conclude that - since love is the most powerful force in our universe, my Queen is absolutely incorrect in saying that after all she's been doing to me, if I still love her it's only because "my brain is clearly injured if I can still love her like I've always done"....well readers ...given that 3 (not just one) well respected neuropsys assessed me as a man totally unable to count to 3, she maybe even be right....BUT where are you going to find someone like me?(your only true god)? Sorry M. but my love for you cannot be eliminated only because you opened your leg to allow to some filthy - very soon to be ended loser   - to tuck you with pleasure.....MY INFINITE LOVE FOR YOU WILL HAVE TO CONFRONT ANOTHER TRUE GOD WAY STRONGER THAN ME, TO END IT ALL.....FUCK ALL THOSE LOSERS (I do know who you are already and I'll take care of you all personally).

1. https://psiloveyou.xyz/the-universal-principles-of-love-c0a67d34179e
2. https://troymedia.com/lifestyle/love-is-the-most-powerful-force-on-earth/
3. https://www.quora.com/Is-love-the-strongest-force-in-the-universe
4. http://www.globalmomschallenge.org/2014/03/strength-resilience-and-selflessness-a-mothers-love-is-universal/

https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/jimi_hendrix_195397

MY DEAREST & IMMENSELY BELOVED ANGEL

 I’m blessed every Sunday to have my unmeasurably beloved  is my daughter Giorgia (who I’ve been calling Gioggi, lately) spend one or two hours with me, she brings her homework so I can have both the opportunity and joy to know what she’s studying now and – at times – help her a bit.

HOWEVER she’s a girl who – as it’s being said in the USA – is packed FULL OF BEANS she (too) often asks me to yell/scream as loud as I can…….in order to have my caregivers run into my room because afraid I've fallen somewhere…………Recently she got into two (horrendous) habits, one is to call me saying that she’s calling from either Cambridge in UK or St. Petersburg in Russia……………………initially I was so dumb that I believed her and I was asking her some questions about the flight and what her plans would be for her dinner…what’s the name of the school she’s attending to etc.….. but very soon I’d understand that she was just making a joke to me.

Truth is that I’ve developed a lower level of confidence in what she says, what’s crazy (and makes me write this post) is that last Sunday she started saying that – because she had eaten dog-food and drunk virgin olive oil straight from the bottle she thought she was about to vomit/puke.

Well this is when I totally freaked out, simply because – given my heavy Youtube addiction – I had just watched the video here below, I mean………..how couldn’t I fear that my angel wouldn’t have an episode like the ones in this video? Especially right after having heard her summary of what she had put into her stomach? I was truly fearful to be forced to call one of my caregivers to ask for my carpet to be cleaned of my Gioggi’s vomit, anyway here’s the Youtube I had just seen 5 minutes earlier, when:

1.     she came in my room

2.    she told me what was in her stomach

3.    she said that she didn’t feel good

4.    she said she felt like puking

Now, put these 4 points together with this video and you can understand the reason why I got terrified by my angel.

THE WORST OF ALL MY GREAT LOSSES

It should be easy to know that my blog here pretty much is my personal diary, where I often denounce injustices, impertinence and incorrectness, the fact that I’m Italian (USA naturalized) certainly puts me and what I say in a somehow “special bucket”, however from the number of websites I link below I’m now very confident that it isn’t because my brain is injured or it isn’t like it was.... (and will never be the same☺). In fact of all of my (too many) losses the one that’s been hurting the most (and forever will be) is to have definitely lost my very best friend of all times, who is, was now and forever will be Michele, the mother of our two treasures.

In thinking about this, I realized of the number, variety and difficulty of all the adventures we had together, not only as best friends but united like we were one simple mind, in the sense that one was giving strength and support to the other……in simpler words one squared mind of immense powers and determination to reach whatever goal we ever decided to reach.

Where I cannot see and understand clearly anymore is the reason why our (squared) minds got disconnected and why the Michele’s one attempted to attach to that of a real putrid stinker (who’ll soon understand that putting his penis – dick – between a holy union can only bring devastating consequences to himself, those whom he loves both before and after his (soon to arrive) death.

It goes without my saying that when I can predict things of this kind, is only due to the 2 months I spent in the afterlife in company of Jesus Christ (? As I was told I had said when I finally got out of it).

While preparing this post I tried to remember as many adventures and expeditions my best friend and I ever did/had together, like my US naturalization, the creation of both our 2 treasures, my employments in several different companies each in different business fields, moving, buying new homes (the “right one”), recreate the “same feeling” of the previous one (the Lingiardi feeling) BUT the list would be too long to make. What I want to underline and draw your attention to, is that all of this beautiful past filled with adventurous challenges were all done with my very best friend who now says to be afraid of me!

1. https://michaelhyatt.com/how-to-become-your-spouses-best-friend/
2. https://melmagazine.com/my-wife-is-my-best-friend-is-that-bad-90d63ffc333e
3. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/12/style/should-your-spouse-be-your-best-friend.html
4. https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/sex-and-intimacy/the-role-of-friendship-in-marriage/twelve-steps-to-a-deeper-friendship-with-your-spouseh
5. ttps://www.quora.com/Whats-it-like-to-have-your-wife-as-your-best-friend

FOR MY TWO TREASURES

This is a simple "video post" about the origin of your genes that even if not fully Roman do contain part of the origins of the way the "occidental world" is today, with its culture, science and arts, Rome in fact was the capital of the ancient world, controlled with its laws and army power several countries both in the Mediterranean area and beyond, even today - because it hosts the Vatican empire - it influences through it the entire world, in other words it's been like the USA are today.....even more.

This below is about the main road (Appia) that went through Rome and that's very close to where our best friends in Rome (Gianni) used to live, I can't tell you how many times I walked - at every time of the day - on this road, thinking to be a legionary of the ancient Rome times.

So while I want to be sure that you recognize yourselves as part of what created the world as it is today, I post here a couple of youtubes (both in english and Italian, that you are very familiar with) that describe what's left today of the biggest and most influential empire the world has ever seen, among these videos I chose a couple about my most preferred monument in Rome, the Pantheon, not only because when I was a teenager I used to play soccer with friends in the square in front of it, but very much too because it represent the architectural ability of those people 2.000 years ago, not yet completely surpassed.

In Italian too:

I make to you both here in public the promise to go with you both to Rome for a tour of its ancient roads and monuments and in addition to go to Pompeii, under the vesuvius volcano that erupted 2.000+ years ago and still preserves not only the town itself but its inhabitants too.

Pompeii

MY YOUNG ANGEL

This is what I emailed to my angel Giorgia last night:

I love you so so so so much Giorgia mia bellissima, that you shall never be afraid of anything in the entire world, remember that your dad (me) was practically dead for more than 2 months and the only reason why I came back here to life is because of my immense love for you, no matter that I was told that it was going to be painful to come back here, each time I hear from you  or you come here so I can smell and touch you, any and all pains go away in a second and stay gone for few hours after you leave.

I never regret having survived my accident because I can look at you growing up and turn into the beautiful woman I can already see you are going to be. However please never forget that you have a dad stronger than death itself and I'm not afraid of anything anymore, death included, so do feel constantly safe simply because your dad is always with you and even if you are scared or somebody might hurt you in some way, do know that I - your only dad - will never leave you in any uncomfortable situation, not even death scares me anymore and I'm certainly ready to give my life to save yours, therefore be proud and happy to have me as your dad and always be self-confident, nothing ever can hurt you in any way shape or form, when you go to sleep later have good dreams knowing that I'll always be watching you, even when you sleep.

All my love from me - your dad - goodnight Giorgia, you really are my angel.

• https://thoughtcatalog.com/sawyer-james/2015/02/9-wonderful-things-i-cant-wait-to-tell-my-daughter/
• http://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/visions/mood-disorders-vol1/my-daughter-is-my-guardian-angel
• https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/nov/14/sarfraz-manzoor-father-legacy-of-love 

LOVE IS A MOTHERFUCKER

I explained here before that love is the strongest feeling in this universe because it functions after death too, at the same time – as the guy in this Youtube says, it’s a real motherfucker too.

Ask to my Queen in fact, she’s been saying for years that I still love her only because my brain is injured, well I’m hoping that my readers here understood that even when a brain is injured consciousness and mind aren’t, therefore given that love resides in our mind, it matters not the extent or seriousness of the damage to the brain, love cannot ever change.

This idea in fact brings me to explain that it’s love that can send our soul to hell forever, because if while living we hurt someone we love, we are going to regret whatever we did or didn’t in our own hell simply because once we are dead there’s no possibility to come back here to living earth to fix what we ever did to others that was wrong or bad.

This is the reason why love truly is a motherfucker; think to all the murders, wars and “criminal actions” done by everyone (to someone else) while living because love is involved and you’ll have to agree that love and its opposite, hate are very closely related because they influence our thoughts and actions in the same way.

I put below too some links to websites dedicated to how love between people changes when a TBI gets in the middle and I believe that this is the reason that best explains the way my Queen has been in my regards.

Now - I’ve said this in past posts too – my brain was injured at least as much as my Queens personality was.

It’s simple enough to look at her behavior with me and others (one man, B.) to see the level of desperation and madness she got into.

What I haven’t been able to convince her of is that – because I understand this – she’s forgiven already and all she needs to do is to open her arms again to me.

1. http://www.puckermob.com/moblog/loving-somone-with-a-traumatic-brain-injury
2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/professor-cromer-learns-read/201201/after-brain-injury-learning-love-stranger
3. https://www.lapublishing.com/blog/2010/brain-injury-emotions-relationships/
4. http://www.msktc.org/tbi/factsheets/relationships-after-traumatic-brain-injury
5. https://www.brainline.org/author/emilie-godwin/qa/starting-or-nourishing-romantic-relationships-after-tbi
6. https://www.quora.com/Does-love-start-from-the-heart-or-the-mind 

NAAAAHHHHHH

POST ABSOLUTELY FORBIDDEN TO MINORS, PEOPLE WITH HEART OR BLOOD CIRCULATION OR ASTHMA OR LIVER, KIDNEYS PROBLEMS

The Youtubes I put here are a real sign of how much my brain is injured......NOT what those imbeciles (dumb asses) wrote in their assessments about the maker/owner of this blog who collects only compliments about both the content of individual posts and about posts by label.

Anyway I've been spending hours by the dozens watching hypnotized this black and very fat man (another dumb ass like the others) I therefore feel like it appropriate for me to apologize to my readers for posting these borderline videos that I can't stop watching and that I had put here when I had posted about my new "Youtube addiction" few days ago (on 6/2).

As I already kind of attempted to say above, this post is (R)restricted to minors, as a general rating, as far as me and my family I'd give to this post a simple (PG) or Parental Guidance, so I'm going to post here just three with their name/main topic on top.
In general just know that the black man (Mr. Pregnant) is making prank calls.

VIAGRA

CONTRACEPTIVES

MALE TAMPONS

OK, if you are still sitting and you haven't spilled anything on yourself, I admire you, I suggest to drink a glass full of warm milk, so hopefully you can sleep well.

P.S. this afternoon I went to my dentist and as I started to think to this guy and to the male tampons video, the dentist told me that if I wasn't going to keep the mouth open he was going to use a metal jack to hold it wide open
(I told him that it could do this by stuffing my mouth with tampons).

• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Movie_and_Television_Review_and_Classification_Board

MY HERITAGE

On 11/23 I wrote a new post in the blog dedicated to my two treasures, I just decided to put it here too, with little modifications because I feel it to be important to express my infinite love for them both.

I grew up with a father (their grandpa) who made me happy more times than I can remember and – even if I’ve never been an easy person to deal with – he showed to me how much he loved me through his care, protection and generosity.

One example is the several cars he bought to me, including the huge Renault Espace (first minivan in EU) and the very much money he gave to me and to Michele for each and every home we ever bought here in the USA.

What I want to say here is that my dad truly left in me a very good witness of his great love for me and - in addition he used to say that Michele was like an additional daughter for him, just like my sister Anna had another sister - he had done this to show how much love and acceptance he had for my wife, in other words he showed how much love he had for me.

Well the same I want to do for you, my young Lingiardi, I want to leave a good witness of me – your real dad – even if I cannot live with you anymore.

I want my witness to be what you’ll have in mind every time you think of me, even 40 years from today, and this is going to be what I always said to my employees when I was working, or that “nothing is impossible”, it’s just a matter of having the right attitude about the challenge that even if it hasn’t been managed with success by anyone else, you can succeed in managing it if you are willing to work hard without taking any shortcut.

This is my main reason not to have any doubt that eventually I will travel, walk and work again, there isn’t enough pain or desperation that can make me give it all up, this is truly what I want to leave behind to you both as my witness, I wish that 40 years from now you’ll say “ha yes, my dad used to be like a column carrier who didn’t give up even to brain injury with loss of his family and job”. This is something that I want you to learn well from me, or that no matter how hard, big or scary something may be for you to do, you can always find the right way to do it, it’s enough to think deeply about the right and easiest way to do it and be unafraid to work long and hard to succeed in reaching your goal.

And when things don’t go the way you want or planned them to be, just look for the next step in your plan and focus on the future, rather than cry over the present and the past.

1. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/fatherhood/11583310/10-essential-skills-every-dad-should-teach-his-children.html
2. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brian-klems/the-letter-every-parent-should-write_b_3435370.html
3. http://ideas.time.com/letters-from-dad/
4. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/fatherhood/11583310/10-essential-skills-every-dad-should-teach-his-children.html
5. http://www.integratedcatholiclife.org/2013/06/deacon-bickerstaff-seven-lessons-fathers-should-teach-children/
6. http://triblive.com/opinion/luisfabregas/10595512-74/teach-fabregas-lessons 

DAD’S TEACHINGS

My two treasures are entering adulthood without the important (teaching) offered by the presence of their dad (me).

However through the use of email, my blogs and (rarely) the phone, I can still be in contact with them and always try to give some teachings - sometimes in a rebuking manner - about what’s important to know and to do (generally and specifically) in life.

So here is the text of one of my recent email messages to them:

May I know the reason why is it that you act just like your mother, who has been trying not to be in contact with me, (at least by email) for about 8 years? You know very well how much I love you and how much I miss living with you, mainly in order to be able to help you with your studies and teach you ways to approach life.

Do you think (just like your mother does) that my being prisoner of a conservator and of a wheelchair has made me forget all I learned in a life of work at top levels among two continents using about 5 different foreign languages to communicate important matters of business and money? Are you sure that my re-conversion to religion is simply the effect of my injured brain?

I cannot begin to tell you how much the life of us all could immediately change if you too were on my side in my struggle to return to be your dad always at your side as you enter adulthood? What about going to Italy on vacation next August or you having both the car you like and a new dirt bike (it used to be my feverish passion when I was about your age)?

Let me tell you that what I’m saying isn’t my attempt to bribe you into doing something in my interest only, as your dad I'd simply like to live again through you - my only son - some of the big passions I had when I was becoming the very successful man I used to be and don't forget that I was told to be very lucky (someone said that I’m “blessed”J) for having had the experience that very few other men had, so why be ashamed of having a father forced to be sitting on a wheelchair 24/7? Many tell me that it would be a dream to have a dad like me, the pride they would always have and that they could never stop talking about it, all I'm asking instead is for you to communicate with me at least by email and come by my prison whenever you can, especially before the beginning of your “college education project” that you already know how much I support, wherever you’ll decide it to be both here in the USA and (I hope) in Italy, to surely become the top level Lingiardi individual that everyone with this last name has been since centuries. You need to open your eyes to realize how unfair it’s been not to have your true dad living with you like it’s normal and expected for the rest of the world and given that you both not only have my same last name, but very importantly and uniquely made with my genes, I have confidence that in time and with the development of knowledge and self-confidence you’ll demand to be living with your only dad again.

As your dad you can be sure that I’ll be loving you infinitely and watching your back for at least 30 more years.

1. https://knowingthetime.wordpress.com/2010/11/23/the-fathers-love-for-his-children/
2. http://cbmw.org/topics/family/building-a-marriage-culture-fathers-love-your-children/
3. http://www.healinglovenotes.com/a-fathers-love.html
4. http://biblehub.com/1_john/3-1.htm 

BETTER IF DEAD?

There are (sadly) numerous times that I can’t avoid to think that if I had chosen to remain dead, many people and plenty instances might never have presented themselves, my dearly beloved wife Michele would be married already with some “wealthy loser” (like B.) having access to much more money than they have now and they would only come to visit me at the cemetery where my coffin might be once or twice a year.

I think in fact that my being still alive is due to my huge selfishness because all I think about all week long is what to say and do when my family comes to visit me on Sunday.

But then my selfishness takes over and I think that – even if always in pain – I can see and hopefully influence both my treasures at the same time, even if not for too long.

In looking around the internet about the problems that TBI gives to family relationship, I can’t tell how many millions of websites that google finds in 0.3 seconds, I certainly fall into the category of spouses having to divorce with TBI as a reason, in addition I’m left to live on my own in a place that’s certainly first class, it’s just that I’m not 95 y/o, like the rest of the residents where I must live.

As I’ve said before I spend my full days watching movies with my PC, that at times I like very much, it’s just that in most of the good movies there’s always a scene when the hero falls in love and tenderly kisses his princess and that’s when my back fills with goosebumps simply because I only have my pillow to hug, certainly not to kiss on the lips nor smell the wonderful skin perfume that makes my Michele unique and that I can still (only) remember.

It’s obvious (I hope) that the answer to the question above is certainly 

NO!!!

Enjoy my informative links now; at least I’m not the only one…….

1.  http://armyreservistwife.blogspot.com/2010/06/to-spouses-who-are-enduring-hell.html
2. http://www.brainline.org/content/2009/01/truth-about-divorce-after-traumatic-brain-injury.html
3. https://karaswanson.wordpress.com/2009/07/09/till-death-us-do-part/
4. https://patients.aan.com/resources/neurologynow/index.cfm?event=home.showArticle&id=ovid.com%3A%2Fbib%2Fovftdb%2F01222928-201309060-00019

MY CARBON COPY

Sometimes I call my daughter; my princess, but I’ve read that it isn’t really good to do so, I therefore decided to call her – besides my treasure, like her brother – to call her the carbon copy of me, in fact people who’ve never seen us before, once they see us both the first thing out of their mouths is the question: is she your daughter? That’s the confirmation that not only she has my identical skin color and texture, but she talks and behaves just like me, of course since I’m almost 53 y/o and male, there are very obvious differences, but the skin and her behavior aren’t influenced at all by both age and character that means that she’s truly the carbon copy of me and – even if she’ll lose her last name when she’ll marry – she’ll bring me and all that makes me - Carlo L. - into the future, just like her brother.

I cannot publish here a picture of her, because too many (losers) are the internet predators who look for beauties around the world in the internet, therefore I put a simple video and few links to websites that explain what a father’s love is for his daughter, that’s very tender and that can bring any father to be willing to give his own life to save his daughter’s, in addition I'm sure that I will walk you to the altar the day you'll marry the right guy.

1.  http://blog.lifeway.com/leadingmen/2016/01/05/why-daughters-need-their-dads/#.VyNwFPkrIdV
2. http://toglobalist.org/2012/11/strong-smart-beautiful/
3. http://lifetoheryears.com/50rules
4. http://womanitely.com/important-lessons-father-teach-daughter/
5. http://www.piercedhands.com/5-rules-fathers-daughters/

MY TREASURES

The picture here on the side puts all of my hopes that not only both of my children – whom I refer to as my treasures because I’m still living for the love I have for both of them – are looking at a future that’s both very inspiring and exciting, some of my links below together with this video make me believe that before I’ll pass over I’ll do what I had agreed to do when I met with Jesus, or that I’ll be walking my princess angel to the altar the day she’ll marry “the right man”.

This picture inspires me also to think that my son will be just like I was with my sister Anna and my (still) wife Michele or that Brent is going to be like a guardian for his sister and my princess, who becomes more beautiful every time I get to see her (weekly on Sundays).

This post with this picture, this video and all of its links represents my positive outlook into the future of our world that gives me the determination to keep being around, no matter the pain.

1.  http://www.wired.com/2015/09/power-1000-genomes/
2. http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2012/03/were-underestimating-the-risk-of-human-extinction/253821/
3. http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2013-01/the-human-race-will-come-to-an-end
4. https://www.fhi.ox.ac.uk/about/mission/
5. http://io9.gizmodo.com/5958479/7-best-case-scenarios-for-the-future-of-humanity
6. http://sarifindustries.com/en/#/home/

OPPOSITES ATTRACT

My hero 100% Lingiardi son ended a conversation we were having last Sunday saying that it’s natural for opposites to attract and given that some time ago I was interested in the law of attraction, I began to think and apply this idea to real life examples, I even talked about it with my psychologist who did give few ideas about how to research this, after little time I can now say that while this is very true to the point that it affect our life and reality completely, however with several exceptions that I’m going to list here:

• ·        Married couples, when a man and a woman (2 opposites) fall in love (2 positives) what counts however – even if mathematically 2 opposites cancel each other off and 2 positives cannot attract each other – since centuries people say that “those 2 complete each other” (like mamma and me) meaning that what I have fills in the gaps in mamma.
• ·        Think of a free solo climber of someone who walks from a very high building to the next (i.e. twin towers)  both know that risk their lives and surely we see to total opposites in this case (fear of falling and will to reach the other side or the top of the mountain) people who look at either of these people doing so, normally think that they must be crazy, however while there surely are 2 opposites here too, what cancels these opposites is both the self-confidence and the particular knowledge of what can happen if they fail, think in example that they may think, “I know that if I fall I die, but I’m sure that I can’t fall after having exercised so much and so well, I therefore will only focus now on my reaching my goal !”

1. http://www.people.com/article/paula-abdul-james-corden-opposites-attract-video
2. http://www.livescience.com/5351-truth-opposites-attract.html
3. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201401/the-real-reason-opposites-attract
4. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opposites_Attract

MY INFINITE LOVE 4 MICHELE

One of you – my readers – recently told me that I’m not being very nice when I mention my dearly beloved spouse.

All I can say is not only that I wrote 36 posts about love – the most powerful force in the entire universe that fully differentiates us humans from any animal on earth – but also that most of these posts talk about my love for my spouse/companion/best friend.

As I’ve always been doing I put here a couple of Youtube videos and several links at the bottom, because I feel it important for my readers to understand that I’m not the only one whose life was devastated from my accident but my dear companion too.

The vastness of what TBI is causing to our country lately and its immense social cost truly makes me wonder if there might truly exists a reason to explain why in this second millennium nothing can be done for an injured brain to be healed.

(I’m not going to talk anymore about the immediate recovery several years from the injury too because it isn’t the scope of this post, all I can say is that hopefully someone will understand that this is again a case that has all and only to do with money, or the Big Pharma profits) this post here only deals (with its links and videos) with the tremendous disruption and misunderstandings that affect every married couple who find themselves in the unfortunate obligation to deal with it and save their marriage(I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life).

As you are going to see it’s very common for a healthy and long marriage to fall apart (i.e. divorce) when one or the two spouses is forced to turn into a caregiver, without any training or guidance. This is the very reason why I still love dearly Michele (even she’s been telling me that I still love her just because my brain is injured), her loss is almost the same as mine with the addition that she finds herself to be in charge of the household with our two treasures who – being teenagers need to be followed with the care and the attention that parents – working together – usually can provide.

I can’t begin to say my pain for not being of any support or present at least and I can totally understand the reasons why Michele attempted to replace me as the father figure (I pity those who tried) of our treasures, Michele wasn’t born with any leadership traits, I used to be the one who never had any problem of any kind and the one who stated since born that the impossible simply doesn’t exist.

All I see is a fragile woman fully overwhelmed by the loss of the pillar of her life who had to become strong and very confident overnight and this represents yet another reason for my pain.

What Michele needs to learn is that only if one can give forgiveness, becomes able to forgive himself or herself and this is what I keep hoping that eventually she’ll learn to do, my love for Michele is still intact and I know that once she’ll forgive herself, our lives will return to be like my accident never happened (our next president, my very hard work AND a different approach to my disabled condition will make the miracle finally happen).

I conclude simply by saying that nothing exists that can make me love any less my life companion; this TBI is just a “speed bump” in our eternal companionship.

Long Youtube video: 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrLKsW27p3U

1. http://www.caregivers.com/blog/2012/07/caregiver-to-your-spouse/
2. https://www.caring.com/questions/caring-for-disabled-husband
3. http://www.drpsychmom.com/2015/06/03/my-husband-was-disabled-in-an-accident/#
4. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/richard-c-senelick-md/disabilities-can-wound_b_805614.html
5. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2011979/Am-I-wrong-cheat-disabled-husband.html
6. http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-Married-To-Someone-Disabled/2026863
7. http://forum.sofeminine.co.uk/relationships-fo1/fed-up-of-having-a-disabled-husband-fd1355
8. http://nowwhat.cog7.org/Articles/Home-Family/Caregiving/Coping_With_a_Disabled_Husband.html

LOVE AND BRAIN INJURY

My eternal love Michele has been telling me since years that I still love her  (35 posts in this blog mainly about her) http://lingiaca.blogspot.com/search/label/Love 

because my brain is injured and from my initial refusal to even listen to her saying so, I just realized that she's always been right, in fact what made me open wide my eyes is a very good friend of mine from my times living and working in Italy (Verona) who recently developed a brain tumor, when he emailed me, first I shared his madness with him, but soon I thought that he really has no reason to be so mad, he never married her companion, so why would she feel any obligation of any kind if as he get's terminally ill she leaves him alone to deal with his death (basically)?

That's what I told to him in my reply, or that since they never married she has no tie of any type with him and she's very free to keep on living like nothing ever happened to him (life goes on...).

But, as I was writing my reply I realized that as much as I was telling to him that she's a bad person for having walked away from him as he "got broken", I thought that Michele has always been right, I'm definitely brain injured if I still love her, especially given that she's been trying to replace me with few other lowlife without any rectitude  and moral principles, I'm not even allowed to know their names, according to Michele (therefore according to my son too).

As I was thinking about this upsetting and sad situation that my friend is experiencing I pulled out a very old email (2/2014) where I had told to another of my friends in Italy what he should think of and do to his wife (married in church) who had divorced and left him right after he survived a pretty bad car accident, here is when I had the objective proof that my brain is truly devastated if I still love Michele (married in church in presence of God and both of our families and friends), Saint Gianfranco (my dad) was right when he told me last year shortly before he passed away that I decided to survive my accident only for the love I have for my 2 treasures and that I never mentioned Michele.

I could tell that it was hard for him to tell me of this because he always said that Michele was like for him having another daughter, he loved her just like he loved my sister Anna, he didn't want to elaborate on this and I decided to drop this topic.

What I can't forgive Michele for is that she wasted $100K in a fake investment and by influencing that poor guy in Oxnard who had me committed to conservatorship so that I can't "waste" my money in a (still) off-label treatment for TBI recovery, maybe as I die and I receive Universal Intelligence I'll stop to love her, but I can't stop to feel bad now about her afterlife.

Few links below about the legal (not religious) principles of marriage:

1. http://www.covenantkeepers.org/online-articles/47-general-marital-issues/358-what-it-means-to-love-your-spouse
2. http://www.madaboutmarriage.com/blog/the-true-meaning-of-love-in-marriage/
3. http://www.net-burst.net/help/lover.htm
4. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/no-ordinary-life/201410/the-power-marital-love
5. http://www.usccb.org/beliefs-and-teachings/what-we-believe/love-and-sexuality/married-love-and-the-gift-of-life.cfm
6. http://www.catholicity.com/catechism/marital_love.html
7. http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/reasonstostaytogether/a/Love-Is-Not-The-Solution-To-Marital-Problems.htm 

LOVE IS ONLY HUMAN AND MOST POWERFUL IN THE UNIVERSE

My sweetest and more than my life beloved Michele has been telling me - over and over - that I love just because my brain is injured and this has made me make some simple research on it, in fact since mankind could leave memories that can be seen and understood (i.e. art, paintings, sculptures) love has been portrayed as something coming from the heart, not the brain and since my heart is very strong and never was injured I wondered if maybe her irrational fear of me made her confuse the heart with the brain ☺ Given that I did find billions of websites on this subject I post here - as I always do - few links to websites with one Youtube video that I found both funny and interesting (funny first though!)

1. http://www.liloumace.com/blog/Love-is-the-most-powerful-force-in-the-entire-universe_a50.html
2. http://www.whatismetaphysics.com/love.html
3. http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/powerful_force.html

FUNNY

I have to admit that my conservator T. has been doing a very good job to take care of me and my money, it was funny today when I was at my psychologist (found by T.) because I was complaining to have been assessed by the guy in Oxnard as someone in need to control over the way I use my money because the psychologist said that my conservator T. is like having a wife for me and we both smiled because we both know very well where my biggest love is and forever will be, I was actually grateful because he said that he could see how much we still love each other, I therefore told him that I've been doing the exercises he advised to do to me when I'm not seeing him, in fact I said that, after having thought very much of a possible reason why Michele doesn't want me around anymore is because she's afraid by my refusal to give up on my (full) recovery, so we spoke about fear being something that has been a potent driving force in humanity since the beginning, we can act irrationally because of fear and do the stupidest thing for fear, so this psychologist gave me the good advise to be supportive, understanding and be patient (oh my!) that with time she'll get over her fear.

This made me think too to an Italian saying "al cuor non si comanda" or literally "the heart cannot be controlled" that implies that love isn't in the brain, but in the heart and since my heart is perfect she cannot say that I still love her only because my brain is injured☺

Then we spoke about my being truly offended not to have enough spending money each month and he understands that I'm the type of person who has plenty intellectual interests, besides the need to implement my Villa nutrition (I'm not 99 y/o yet....).

Finally we discussed a bit my other reason I have to be offended that has only to do with the assessment of that "Oxnard doctor" who surely isn't stupid and by now he must have realized that his fear to assess anything different from my several prior psychologists can only send him to eternal hell, given that the research on afterlife is very much driven by psychologists, he shouldn't have any concern to tell to the court that condemned me to conservatorship that he's changed his mind, I mean what could ever be worse than spend eternity regretting something that negatively affected someone else?

Well, in the meanwhile I'm going to find a free spirited psychologist not afraid to assess me as the man I really am.

1. http://www.sparknotes.com/philosophy/beyondgood/section4.rhtml
2. http://singlespirit.ca/
3. http://www.wikihow.com/Tame-a-Free-Spirit
4. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sufi_psychology