The more
correct title to this post should be “why didn’t I die?” I often ask to myself this
question every time I see those whom I love in so much pain for my having lost
all I had, loved and worked for which makes me consider that it’s been my stronger than
death self-confidence that kept me living, no matter that no MD of
the hospital I was treated in, right after my car-bike collision would bet
more than a quarter that I would survive.
The adored
mother (and
my Queen) of my two
treasures told me I’m a good example of agnosticism (I had to look it up in
a dictionary to know its meaning).
I’ve become
convinced that I had told to my father and best business friend when I got out
of the coma must have been true, I had said in fact to have met with Jesus
Christ and to have made an agreement with Him to remain alive, solely because I’m
of Catholic religion since I was born in Italy (therefore a Catholic by default), but let me list here few facts:
·
My accident was in October 2005 and in February 2006 I came out of my coma and until May 2012 (5 years and 4 months
later) I was
absolutely convinced to have made my agreement with Jesus Christ because of my eternal
love for my Queen, however my dad told me (5/2012) that the reason for this agreement
wasn’t my love for my Queen at all, it was rather my love for my two treasures and to
reinforce this concept he asked me if any father of the world would ever think
for more than a minute to trade his life for that of one of his children.
Talk about hitting the nail on the head, fear
of death means now to me fear that my death may give pain to those I love,
which I believe is the very reason of my agreement.
Initially I was convinced that my request to
Jesus to keep living was based on my immense joy to live, to work and to be a great
dad (just
like my own dad was, Saint Gianfranco), but this made me think that by wanting to remain
alive I had committed the sin of pride, (only forgiven by being broken on the wheel…..as
written in the Divine Comedy).
Well I can honestly tell you that I know
something way worse than being broken on the wheel, in fact I believe to have
said it here already that I was told (by Jesus, Mohammed or – most probably – my own soul) that my survival meant to suffer, I think it to be idiotic the fact that I was convinced that an
Aspirin or Tylenol would take care of any pain I may ever have, sadly there’s
nothing to eliminate pains like these:
a) Neurological (physical pain from the
injured brain)
b) Professional (loss of money earning
occupation/job)
c) Loss of wife (= divorce) who thought
it best (ONLY
for herself) to
sell her own natural gifts for very little money to some B. (already in hell for marrying a pregnant woman)
d) Loss of children (brainwashed by
their mother about it being dangerous to be close to me)
e) Hemi paresis (I cannot move the left
side of my body)
f) Total inability to walk (related to point e)
g) Complete loss of independence: personal,
medical and monetary
All of this (a to g) thanks
to assessments based on my inability to make elementary arithmetic calculations,
draw straight lines and the way I describe pictures of either stones and cats.
So, as a college graduated in a very prestigious and historical school (Liceo scientifico Messedaglia in Verona) in physics, advanced mathematics, chemistry who
can speak Italian (my mother tongue)
English (with
strong Italian accent)
German and I understand well (therefore I’m able to communicate with people who speak) French and Spanish, I hope that
none of my readers (you) get surprised if at times I write accusatory posts
here against my conservators, who in the end are simply performing a job (to rob) covered by legal protection, normally with the purpose to help disabled people,
the real scandal and source of all my frustration and anger is only directed to
those “professionals
in neuropsychology” who, with the obvious target to please the overwhelming
Judge of the local court condemn someone like me to the permanent (really?) loss of personality and total wealth (both
earned and inherited).
What’s truly sad is simply that – no matter how many times using
different ways I sent advises to them – they all seem to have decided already now the way to continue
their existence in eternity.
- http://thepositivitysolution.com/7-ways-to-die/
- http://www.overcomingthefearofdeath.org/
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hot-thought/201206/should-you-fear-death
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breaking_wheel
No comments:
Post a Comment