MY MOST PAINFUL INJURY

Much worse than being in physical pain on a 24/7 level since October 2005 what’s been causing my deepest pain at the conscious level is that my two priorities in my life have always been:

1.     My family: spouse (Michele) and children (treasures)

2.    My job and chance to work, give my business expertise and my comfort to  travel around the world

Number 1 and 2 probably represent what makes my physical pain even more atrocious, very much because I can’t see a way to change this impossibility. 
I’ve always sustained that the impossible can’t exist, if you want to work hard and for as much time as it takes, you make it a chance to learn something new to win over.

Every time I deal with my queen Michele, I’m always rejected by her, she never lends her hand when I beg for it and looks at me with sad and disappointed contempt –like it's my fault that my brain was injured...

My only real joy and reason to remain alive is the love I have for my children (my treasures) that’s wonderfully reciprocated and represents the reason why I made the agreement with Jesus to survive my (surely mortal) accident.

What confuses me most is why I still can’t live with them all (wife and treasures) given that – in some way – this contradicts my agreement with Jesus.

Truthfully however, Jesus had said that to remain alive was going to “be painful” … , too bad that I was convinced that few Tylenol/aspirin pills could take care of  pain.

This has reminded to me that the Bible says that “God doesn’t challenge someone unless He knows that this someone is going to overcome the challenge.

When my good friend Pat asks how I can deal with such a sequel of misfortunes and that I truly inspire him every time he feels to be in trouble, I tend to quote this part in the Bible, together with my attitude vs. the impossible that I’ve had since birth, because it’s like an instinct for me, the harder the challenge (almost impossible), the stronger is my drive to overcome it.

I’m hoping to have genetically imprinted I this kind of attitude of mine into both of my treasures, because I believe that this been the key to my life of success (until my death in 2005).

 I can also say that given that I’m learning what the human brain with the consciousness can do in our lives using their (still unknown) powers – depending on concentration, desire and time (I have them by the truckload) – my life is going to soon turn back to the path to success I was on till 2005, sadly this means that all the ones who have been taking advantage of the disabled myself are going to pay the price of their mistakes, either while living or (surely) after they’ll die.

But let me stop to talk about the very reason why I’m still here (B. & G.). 
While I do truly love them more than my own life, two other are my losses that define my conscious pain and they are the ones enumerated in the beginning (1 & 2) in fact it seems that the impossibility to re-conquer Michele’s heart and find another company interested to give me employment is truly like pumping plutonium in my internal engine to annihilate the impossible, so just wait and see…… I’ll be back, sooner than expected and – once again – I’ll be the man who can prove by personal experience that the impossible is just a state of mind, it can’t exist.

1. http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/forums/viewtopic/3344/39089
2. https://butterflyesprit.wordpress.com/tbi-divorce/
3. https://www.caring.com/blogs/dear-family-advisor/loveless-sexless-marriage-stress
4. http://www.brainline.org/content/2008/11/what-happens-relationships-after-brain-injury.html
5. http://www.brainline.org/content/2009/01/truth-about-divorce-after-traumatic-brain-injury.html
6. http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/narcissistic-spouses-discard-you-when-you-need-them-the-most/
7. http://www.ultimatehusband.com/TUH_articles.htm