Carlo Lingiardi: WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER

I can’t believe how well this old saying fits to me, but after having done a quick search for the word stronger, I realized that I had used several dozens of times already and most of the times with a strong reference to the fact that my practical (if not real) truly has made me and my character/attitude stronger than I ever thought I could become. As usual I put links to supporting websites at the bottom of this, but what I want to say now, is that I know I’ve gotten much stronger than others because – regardless that I’m taking some kind of anti-depressant (How could I be depressed if I wake up every morning pissed off for my situation?) and mood stabilizers (to control my never-ending rage) that make me sleep like a baby 10 hours every night, it’s a combination of the fact that in my dreams I’m always driving in Verona with one classmate of high school AND that during the night whenever ‘m not sleeping very hard (between 4 and 5 in the am) I’m convinced to have sleeping in my room either my sister Anna or my wife Michele (who isn’t in bed with me).

Who wouldn’t wake up already mad after such a night?

I’m sorry for you MD’s, but there exists no med that could take care of my condition that’s made me more of a bull I ever was before, as my two treasures are growing up, at least I can say that both my madness and never-ending pain have a reason and that’s the unique “medication” that can make me feel better (besides strychnine….). I’m convinced that this additional type of strength could be extremely useful if I ever had the opportunity to work again. I mean, it isn’t that I was weak before, I’ve always had a strong mind that helped me overcome all my work related challenges and my personal obstacles, it’s very simply that my complete loneliness (with a monster PC and unequal internet connection speed) has been giving me the opportunity to spend very much time focusing on matters that I never thought might be of any interest for me, such as theology, afterlife and the still totally unknown and very underutilized capacities of our brain (that Obama and I call it the organ that’s located between our ears) I don’t know if any test exists that measures the percentage of capacities used by our brain, but of that 10% that’s well known as the percentage of the use of it in general I bet that if such a test would ever be developed I’d be scoring at least one billionth percent more than that average, this – of course – on top of the one billionth percent more I was already born with and I’m very confident that everyone who has ever met or worked with me would agree that I must “have an extra gear”- as I often heard my business partners say when talking about me.

What kills me however is that my (ex)-wife believes to be able to keep on living her life normally (normal what????) like I never even existed and much less like I hadn’t died already once but that my love for our two treasures made me survive and that my forced loneliness have made me stronger than I ever was.

Maybe it’s this awareness of my change that scares her so much that she tries to keep living on her own pretending that I cannot be her loving protector and caregiver I was for about 15 year, all I can do is to hope that one day she’ll realize that living with two carbon copies of me she’ll never find someone so rich and dumb who’ll ask to marry her to be in charge of the “full package” that she is, but – as my dad used to always say – we’ll see.

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Sunday, July 03, 2016

WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER

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