While to find the actual church where the mass was going to
be celebrated, it took me a very long time and big struggles with different
people who tried to help me go to the right place using the always present GPS
in new cell phones, I was finally able to be at the mass I had mentioned here
yesterday and I must tell you that – besides some low level appearances – I was
helped to understand and remember why I’m still alive in this huge pain,
abandonment and humiliations. In fact – as I had said before – while in a coma
I said to have met Jesus Christ who told to me that to remain alive for my paternal love
for my children was possible but was going to be painful, I hope everyone here
remembers the jokes I had made that aspirin or Tylenol would be able to
take care of my pain, that’s been attempted to be treated by 4 different pain
specialists without any success, so I’ve been living for about 7 years taking
morphine at very small dosage, because it’s the only substance that makes my pain
at least manageable, what’s somewhat ludicrous
is that I’m still trying to be treated for it in hope to totally eliminate it
when I know (somehow) for sure that few simple injections of Enbrel would
forever let free from my pain that’s the only reason why I can’t walk after
having tried to do so for 8 years working with experienced and very
good/dedicated therapists.
2 words about my
paternal love that I consider important to express here, in fact I kept
wondering why my father kept telling me that I only had mentioned my treasures as the reason to ask not to die, in my mind in fact I always imagined
that since the children are conceived, formed and born out of the body of the
mother, they are the ones with the most intimate and deep connection with the
children, I never imagined that a father could ever have any particular
connection with his children, especially given the role played when they are
conceived, so I couldn’t understand why I hadn’t mentioned my spouse Michele. However,
my dad was very firm and determined in confirming that I had never mentioned the woman I still passionately love even today.
This Mass - very
different from the ones made in Italy that I’m very used to- gave me the clear
reason that explains why so many MD have been failing for several years to at
least reduce my pain and – once again – explained the reason for my constant and
insistent request to be treated with a TNF-alpha product (casually named
Enbrel) for so long with so much refusal and frustration (to me). While I do
believe in the existence of God, my brain being injured isn’t able to connect
with Him, so I think that I’m going to need very much human intelligence and
compassion to obtain what I’ve been asking for 6 full years. As I’ve been
saying if this is what those criminals condemned me to while I'm alive, it’s just
their own decision made with their own free will that determines what will be
the eternity of their souls when they will leave their bodies here on Earth
(=die). Not my business neither that of anyone else, simple free will that we
have thanks to Eve (as the Bible explains).
- http://www.ewtn.com/library/catechsm/qaconf.htm
- http://www.wikihow.com/Visit-a-Catholic-Mass
- http://www.catholicmass.org/docs/101_Questions_About%20_The%20_Mass.pdf
- http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/chi-chicago-celebrates-two-popes-made-saints-20140427,0,1942716.story
- http://nypost.com/2014/04/27/popes-john-xxiii-and-john-paul-ii-to-be-declared-saints-in-double-canonization/
and now.....as ALWAYS
- http://www.brainline.org/landing_pages/categories/abouttbi.html?gclid=CPrwu_LK_r0CFUNhfgod4ogAiA
- http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23100196
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