Everyone who reads me here knows of the fact that I survived
a sure mortal accident because I was able to make the agreement to remain alive
with (different options according to the person who tells me):- Jesus Christ (from me)
- "myself in another space and time" (Iacopo)
- my own soul (every priest)
No matter how much I've been trying to have at least a
glimpse of what (or who) I made this agreement with, all I was told is
absolutely correct, in fact - no matter how many psychiatrists or psychologists
I've seen - nobody can ever prescribe anything for my pain.
And now I want to make an important (to me) distinction,
because there are 2 different types of pain:
- physical, or the one that I could have surely eliminated if it wasn't that the use of the med for it is patented and not FDA approved yet, in addition it has a notoriety related to the lowering of the immunodeficiency system in our body and therefore become easily affected by various infections.
- mental/psychological, where no medications can possibly take care of such type of pain
Therefore, once again I recently saw a good and experienced
psychiatrist who told me that my best option is to talk with some kind of
trainer who is going to have to earn my trust for me to express in words my
frustrations and the reasons of my pain.
I must say that we had some fun, because I said that in my
life all is either black or white, no shades of gray whatsoever and that for
somebody to earn my trust "s/he must show me the money", meaning that
to put any trust is somebody else I must be completely sold that the methods or
therapies used must seem very real for me to believe that by doing
anything, something positive may result. Then of course, I know exactly how to
forever get rid of the type 2 pain, it would be sufficient for me to return to
be the present dad and loving husband I've always been (until my accident, at least),
but given that my adored wife (she still is my wife because God united us forever) doesn't
want to have anything to do with me anymore (and her pitiful attempt to get married
again with someone else - a real dog - failed miserably) my constant
terrible pain, makes me who I am.
- http://www.polyvore.com/as_sick_as_it_sounds/collection?id=2677278
- http://www.spine-health.com/forum/pain/chronic-pain/done-i-really-want-just-die
- http://fuckyesonceuponatime.tumblr.com/post/16532803272/i-dont-want-my-pain-erased-as-wretched-as-it
- https://whisper.sh/whisper/05122ae28054375406631973a170d2767dd695/I-like-my-pain-It-makes-me-who-I-am-and-im-not-ashamed
- http://lifeinpain.org/node/2151
- http://www.uspainfoundation.org/
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