Today I want to talk about the concept of guilt, or to feel
to be guilty for something done or just thought to do.
Aside from what Freud and Nietzsche
plus all the psychological text-books already say about guilt, I simply think
that we were born with this concept in our genes, just think about what mankind
has been doing since the beginning of time, the crucifixion of Jesus (Rex Iudeorum), the penal
system and all the laws connected with it: if you don't pay your bills,
depending on the amount of money you owe you can end up in jail for a
pre-determined (by the law) amount of time related to the size of the debt you have and what about the
death penalty we have and still use here in the USA? When you kill somebody, in
order to make things right (?) for yourself, for the entire society and even for
the relatives of the victim you can die either on an electric chair
or are injected with a potent and quick acting poison (to be more
"gentle"). We learn the concept of guilt and its repair since we are
toddlers: "if you eat too much jam, you'll get a spanking", or when
you confess what you believe it to be a sin you committed to a priest, you are
given a number of prayers to recite to free your soul from the sins you
confessed or you cannot receive communion.
Basically our entire world with all of its laws and social
regulations is based on this concept of guilt, that to me simply explains very
clearly why when I got out of my coma I struggled for several months trying to
think of a reason (sin) why I was given such a harsh punishment, when I couldn't
think of a reason to deserve my practical execution to death.
Living completely alone because totally abandoned by those
who should care and love me, I'm sure you can imagine how much time I have to
think very deeply and dissect any idea I have about a possible reason why this
happened to me, but (maybe because the psych. EL was right) I haven't been able
to even imagine one.
In fact I initially thought that given the gravity of this
punishment, I must had committed a pretty substantial sin, that in my mind
could only be to cheat my wife Michele, so I asked by email to dozens of women I
ever worked with (or I just knew well) if I had ever been
"inappropriate" with them, I did truthfully learn that just my
presence used to be for many of them like having a body-guard present, not only
because no other man would even dare to "pass the limit" in my
presence, but also very much because I always acted in presence of any woman
like she was some queen and I always acted with extreme respect and courtesy.
It truly took me few months to eliminate this suspicion from
my list of possible sins, so I got to the next, that's about being incorrect as
a professional, but here too I took this out of "my list" because I
received several dozens of emails from former colleagues and co-workers that
could constitute an entire text-book about how any professional should always
behave.
I'm now convinced that my accident with TBI and subsequent
abandonment from everyone I ever loved and cared for with the additional
immense frustration of losing the ability to have a job, manage my money,
travel and earn again, combined with the assessment of a Ph. D. in fear who
made the Ventura court assign to me a full conservator who could be my daughter
for age and experience, have absolutely nothing to do with anything bad I ever
did or thought to maybe do to others.
I have concluded that all the bad that's been going on in my
life is simply due to "being in the wrong place at the wrong time"
and here again I want to refer you to my post of 7/11 about my winning again
over this tragedy too, not only because the entire universe is based on the law
of gravity (all in balance), but very much also because humanity and human kind
always finds the way to make things right again and I'm owed very much as an
individual with children/treasures.
I just repeat again that everyone who's been taking
advantage of me and my family has the freedom to repair the wrongs I've been
subjected to in order to avoid spending eternity as a soul in their own hell.
- https://www.myptsd.com/c/thevault/guilt-and-shame.34/
- http://www.cognitiveatlas.org/concept/guilt
- http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1471-6712.2012.00992.x/abstract
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guilt_(emotion)
- http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8145194
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