MOBILITY

After hoping and waiting for 3 years to regain independent walking ability I’m now am testing an electric wheelchair and experiencing already wide range mobility and independence, soon I’ll do my own grocery shopping and take my children to the nearby mall to shop and eat in a nice place.

Now that I know how much independence and options to do things I realize that I’ve been a dreamer for too long, maybe I’ll never walk again but nothing will stop me to do what I want.

In few weeks I’ll know my out-of-pocket expense is going to be to have this electric wheelchair be mine and I still hope that your donations will make it much easier.

ME AND BEETHOVEN

Beethoven's personal crisis centered around his deafness. The period is noted for large-scale works expressing heroism and struggle; these include many of the most famous works of classical music. Middle period works include six symphonies (Nos. 3–8), the last three piano concertos, triple concerto and his only violin concerto, five string quartets (Nos. 7–11), the next seven piano sonatas including the Waldstein and Appassionata, and his only opera, Fidelio.

In learning about this magnificent composer’s life I realize that I’m very much like he was, his inability to accept his hearing disability makes him very close to me and my way of thinking.

Deafness is for a musician just like an athlete like me being hemi-paretic, unable to even walk or swim.

While I’m not going to compose music with the idea to make it eternal I hope to be an inspiration for others with my fight to improve and heal my injured brain.

MARCH 3rd

This is the date of my legal dissolution of marriage and I've tried to take off the wedding ring to somehow celebrate my freedom from legal ties, however the ring has created its own place in the finger and cannot be slid off it because the knuckle bone is much bigger than the ring diameter, clearly mother nature isn't affected by human and religious laws, even if I’m told that lying to the priest who married us about not wanting to have children is reason for religious annulment.

This is yet another way that shows that what God united can’t be separated by people and the fact that we had two beautiful children confirms the permanence of my dedication to a mother who chose to replace me with someone who knows me well and doesn't care if my soul and spirit suffer for taking my place.

The pain and torment for this loss added to many others is really bad since it accumulates with brain injury and only with focus on what’s positive and exciting my life can return to be exciting and productive again.

This is the result of the law of attraction, that works in life just like in the universe.

The more I focus my thoughts on what’s lost and how sad I am, the more pain and torment I generate in me, while if I think of my gifts and positive situations I attract positivity across the board.

My divorce is just a piece of paper while my children are real people with my genes and on them my focus and thoughts will concentrate so that the law of attraction can bring goodness.

FATHERHOOD

My own father has been taking care of me since I was born, and of what I do and my family as I grew older, he is concerned and takes care of me even since I've had the accident no matter that he is in his 80es and has been living off of his retirement for decades.

He is the model to which I refer to and take example from, I’m thinking of my son Brent and I’m concerned with the difficulties he has because I’m not living with him and is influenced by wrong examples of others.

Brent is still very young and I can predict that 10 years from now I will be at his side when he works and gets married just like my own father has always been.

The love of a father for his son is different from the one of the mother which is primarily emotional. Fatherly love is rational and objective with the goal to give understanding and instructions about life.

My own career and success at work and in my family have made my father proud of how he raised me, the choice that my wife has made to abandon me, go in my doctor’s arms and trash 15 years of my love and respect are hurting my father while he knows that I have nothing to do with being treated like this, I’m a victim just like I was in my accident, I do however have the strength to overcome my losses thanks to my father’s teachings about what to do when something breaks.

This is what I intend to pass on to my son in time, he will see and experience my fatherly love that goes back at least three generations.

MY NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE

There exists contemporary literature of the so-called NDE about experiences to be out-of-the-body while in reanimation or right after an accident, seeing God or going to heaven. Elizabeth Kubler Ross was a Swiss-born psychiatrist and author who gained international fame for her landmark work on death and dying.

I did have my own NDE at the time of my accident because when I went out of the 2 months long coma I told my father and friends who were with me that I had spoken with Jesus, who offered me to remain on the side of death or to return to living Earth, my choice and also warned me that returning on earth I would have had much suffering (?), that I thought I could neutralize with Tylenol.

Little did I know that my physical pain can only be managed with morphine and that my wife could cheat on me with whom used to be my primary doctor, no morphine or chemical medication exist to take care of the pain of losing a woman I married, who mothered my children.

I have a friend who professes himself as an atheist who told me that I saw Jesus because I was raised as Catholic, but if instead I’d be raised Buddhist I would have seen Buddha, or if American Indian I’d have seen a buffalo.

These atheistic explanations made me think for some time to the various possibilities, but later I understood that what I saw was my own personality, or soul with the cognizance of what was about to happen to my life.

I remain convinced that my wife fell in love with my doctor for the shock of losing me and I forgive her for this, everyone else around me judges her however very harshly.

I used to reserve my harshness and hate for my doctor, I now understand that what he does is part of his natural inclination to help people in need, or his patients. He is just a very weak person who has chosen to be dominated by my simpleminded wife who is very devastated by the pain for the loss of the life as I had arranged it to be. So I forgive him too.

My NDE has given me the time and interest to study with renewed passion ancient philosophy and Latin language for their connections to modernity.

http://www.near-death.com/science/research/jesus.html