Like I
really needed to get any stronger at all, Father Betto in Ventura tried to
explain to me that my accident with the loss of ALL I ever loved cared and
worked in my 42 years (that far) of
life is a challenge given by God to people He “elects” to be challenged in life
(am
I like Moses or Isaac??) BUT since only people who are going to
win the challenge can be “elected” for it, I shouldn’t be too worried because, no matter
the time and the pain I’ll have to put into this challenge, eventually I’ll be
the ultimate winner.
The ONLY thought this puts in my mind is similar to what I
had said first about the fact that God is us and what I explained several months
ago about the Italian political minister Aldo Moro, whose God (personal) had him kidnapped by the communist
terrorists, then tortured and killed, leaving his family behind.
What the
heck!! Wait a moment……..how can my own God – always loving and careful, helping
me to win everything I ever decided it to be important – give me a challenge
where not only I lost my family (my creation)
and because of this destroying the self-confidence that my son had (from me) since he was born?
OK, I
expressed here already that I know very well the reason of my accident (my own inability to
wait and the furious hate from my former employer for having lost me, when I
was his “perfect
replacement”
of his retiring commander of his US subsidiary – he’s still looking for “the
right one” today….)
BUT W.T.F. did I (as my God) decide to make such a horrible mess?? And why would I ever want to
involve those who I love most in my life (more than my work and any of my sports)?
This makes
absolutely no sense, nor there isn’t any logic of any kind……..maybeee those who
say that I’m a victim of TBI without the ability to count to three are right……
As you all
know the concept of time after we die is completely different, in fact it can’t
be measured (the
eternal NOW) but I’ve
got to say that after battling for more than 10 years with indescribable pain
and sorrow, I’m really starting to doubt that maybeee this one isn’t the
battle I’m going to win, so even my getting stronger makes me want to ask, stronger of
what, or whom? Wasn’t it enough how strong I was (or I used to be) already? What
difference can it ever make to me (or anyone else)
if I’m not scared of death now that I know exactly what it is and what comes after
it? Like I was scared of my own death even before my accident……
What am I
gaining from this battle, or challenge? All I can think is to say.......... loud and
clear is…..God-damn!!!
But let’s
think a bit….Isaac’s God wanted to have much more self-confidence and power
over his instincts, so he had himself condemn to death his own son………then Moses
had to put order on that part of the world – still in great turmoil – that’s
why our creator (Jehovah) put it completely underwater…….now
we are all shocked to have found the ark – how can it be that the Bible has
objective proof of one of the stories in it?? (see my post published on 7/19/15 about the Dead Sea scrolls).
What would
I (and
those who love me)
gain from this challenge, if I was to win (aside from personal freedom, like I always had)?
I’m hoping
that nobody thinks that I’d possibly be interested in money; I was told once
that my victory would add to my mountain (for me like mount Everest already) of self-confidence, and then – after my
begging for a better explanation - I was told that through this blog I can teach it all my readers ( you seem to be plenty) and given that everyone shall leave something good for the future of
mankind and of planet earth, I guess you can say that through my blog here I’m
leaving something important, therefore you are all invited to “spread my blog”to
all you know (and don’t ).
- http://synapse.org.au/information-services/self-confidence-brain-injury-fact-sheet.aspx
- http://synapse.org.au/information-services/self-confidence-brain-injury-fact-sheet.aspx
- http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2075908/So-Nietzsche-WAS-right-What-doesnt-kill-makes-stronger-scientists-find.html
- https://healthunlocked.com/headway/posts/132540170/journaling-for-tbi-recovery-and-building-self-esteem
- https://brokenbrilliant.wordpress.com/2016/04/03/tbi-recovery-can-take-a-while-but-it-is-so-worth-it/
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